I sat down to write a piece on the most substantial and common behaviors that turn men off. For all the complaining we do about men, we women carry our own weight in the turn-off department. And while every man is different, the following, in no particular order, are some general things that turn men off.
1. Being Uptight and Negative
People who fall under the categories of malcontent, highly critical, unappreciative, and high maintenance not only turn men off but raise major red flags.
Hey, Negative Nancy! Don’t talk about your problems all the time; we’ve all got them. If you criticize the wine he orders, the color of his shirt, and the sound his nose makes when he breathes, it easily makes the people around you feel uncomfortable and insecure. Men also don’t want to be your only source of happiness. They want a woman with a life of their own. If your glass is always half empty, he’ll eventually stop trying to fill your cup.
Be more appreciative of the positives in your life and the things he does for you. He wants to make you happy, so he does things to please you – fixes the sink, takes you to dinner, buys you gifts… And now you’ve come to expect it. Don’t! You’re a lucky woman, and you should let him know it.
Drama Queens and Materialism
Arguing, sulking, temper tantrums, tears. Overly emotional women are unattractive and exhausting. Furthermore, a woman who wants the most expensive wine, will only wear designer clothes, and won’t date below a Mercedes Benz is kinda gross. Men want to win your heart with their humor, charisma, and kindness, not with their money.
When you’re negative and uptight, you generally create a negative environment that will quickly turn men off and create discomfort.
2. Lack of Manners
This can include lacking basic hygiene, politeness, and smoking or swearing on a first date before getting to know whether he is okay with those behaviors. Sloppy drunks aren’t all that attractive, either. Chew with your mouth closed, napkin in your lap, be kind to service people, and say please and thank you. Luckily, none of these are too hard to accomplish if you put some thought into respecting the people and environment around you.
Until you know what’s in his wheelhouse, leave the potty-mouth and other “unconventional habits” at home.
When it comes to making conversation, bringing up your ex or other controversial topics is incredibly impolite. When you constantly trash-talk your ex, it screams you have unresolved feelings. You’re stuck in your story, not ready to move on – and a total buzz kill.
Playing games, lying, and gossiping are all horrible things to do to your partner or on a date. If she bad mouths people, or betrays confidences, then he’s going to wonder what bad things she could be saying about him too.
Additionally, never pretend to be someone you’re not. Even if it’s something as simple as laughing at a joke you didn’t actually find funny, or putting on a fake smile, those small layers of deceit can create discomfort when he realizes something may be wrong. He wants to know the real you, not someone you’re pretending to be, in order to please him. Another aspect of this that many men brought up as a turn-off was “playing dumb” or using a “baby voice.” While it is a habit that some women find themselves naturally doing to be flirtatious, it is apparently a great way to turn men off.
4. Lacking Ambition and Confidence
Confidence is hot. So, if you get jealous easily, are overly shy, or too self-deprecating, you’re headed in the wrong direction. For the love of God, don’t put yourself down to try to get a compliment from him, or he’ll stop complimenting you altogether. Degrading yourself is just another way to make other people painfully uncomfortable.
Another major turn-off is if you don’t care about making your life better, making the world a better place, or pretty much making anything. Men are turned on by passion and drive – not ambivalence. Laziness is not indicative of a healthy life or relationship. What men really want to see is a woman’s ambition and commitment to life and the things they love.
Additionally, acting indecisive or incapable can drive a man nuts.
5. Self Absorbed
Men have used many words to describe what turns them off: vanity, arrogance, interrupting or talking too much, etc. What all these words and behaviors essentially boil down to is self-absorption. A woman who is pompous, full of herself, and thinks she’s better than her date, does not a turn-on make.
By interrupting people, talking too much, or spending too much time on your phone, you are sending signals that you do not find his voice important. It can be hard when you can’t take your mind or mouth off something at work or something crazy that happened to you the other day, but take a pause. Put a period at the end of that sentence, sister, so he can get a word in and he can actually engage in the conversation.
Focus and listen, really listen. He wants to know that what he says matters, that he matters. If you don’t pay attention, he’ll find someone who will. Like you, sometimes men just want to vent, talk, or even cry. Many men reported feeling a major turn-off when a partner attempted to tell them what they should do or, worse, what he should have done. I know it can be an automatic instinct just trying to help. Sometimes, all they really need is a listening ear, someone who cares.
What will really turn men off?
In totality, most of the things that reportedly turn men off are signs that you lack basic self-awareness and decency. If you put in a little effort to respect the people around you and create a healthy, fun relationship, you should have no worries about turning men off. Turn-offs can be very personal and individualistic, but if you just keep trying and putting in the effort, you are bound to find an equally considerate partner who doesn’t raise any red flags for you, either.
Tools to Successfully Survive Dating